ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
BRING THE BAGELS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
