foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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