we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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