i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
