none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
