And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
