So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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