I wanna bring you to show and tell
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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