just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
