there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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