Pappa wants mamma naked
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
