Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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