Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
