how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
