I faked an abortion last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
