I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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