just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
