I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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