Well douche your snatch and let's go!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
