I cannot find my penis.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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