I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
