I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
