oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
