i permit you to call me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
