Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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