apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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