Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
