i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
