Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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