no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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