My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
