Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
