drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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