He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
