I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
