How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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