stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I deserve this hangover.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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