you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
