Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
