I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
