she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just high enough for therapy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
