singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
