you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
