like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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