i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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