You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
