Duck Duck Cougar?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
