Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
