fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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