once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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