Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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