I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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