id be glad to
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
