Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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