Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
