forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
