Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
