hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
