If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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